“Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.”
Hearing this sentence, I raised my head in surprise and felt a heavy blow in my heart. This line is from the film The Hours, which was released in 2002 and tells the stories of three women: Virginia Woolf, Laura Brown, and Clarissa Vaughan. Each story is independent, and the women all live in different time periods, but are connected by Virginia Woolf's novel "Mrs. Dalloway."
The story of Virginia Woolf takes place in 1923. Virginia was a severely mentally ill writer who was forced to move to Richmond after attempting suicide twice. In Richmond, she was supervised by her husband and servants at every step, in case she wants to hurt herself again. At the same time, she could not be understood by people around her, as a result, she could only integrate her thoughts and struggles into her own novel –– “Mrs. Dalloway.” Twenty-eight years later, Laura Brown read the novel. Similar to Virginia, she was also struggling with depression and trapped by the responsibility of being a good wife and mother. Reading the book seemed to offer her a new perspective on living, making her desire to live a different life. The storyline then flashes forward to 2001, when Clarissa Vaughan was planning a party to celebrate her ex-lover and award-winning poet Richard, who happened to be Laura's son. Clarissa was often referred to as “Mrs. Dalloway” by Richard as her life seemed to mirror the novel in many ways. However, seeing her lover committing suicide by jumping off the building eventually made her re-examine the meaning of living and her own life.
(Virginia telling her husband Leonard that between Richmond and death, she would choose the latter one; source from https://play.google.com/store/movies/details/The_Hours?id=vF0gPdSeSoI&pli=1)
At this point, you may be wondering "Why are these women so depressed? What makes them so sad?" "Is it because the people around them don't care about them?" No. They were all surrounded by people who loved them with all their hearts. But being loved doesn't mean not being lonely. They may seem happy and confident outside but were all lonely inside. They all yearned to break free from the shackles of a mediocre life. For Virginia, she wanted to escape a life plagued by depression and misunderstanding; for Laura, it was to gain true freedom; and for Clarrisa, she longed to find meaning in her life, a life that wasn't dependent on Richard’s living. In order not to hurt people who loved them deeply, they could only struggle in their hearts, pretending to live a good life.
(Clarrisa inviting Richard to the ceremony celebrating his award; source from https://decider.com/2015/09/08/was-it-good-for-the-gays-the-hours/)
Watching them wrestle with grief makes me wonder if many of us are actually living in this world against our will. Are many of us actually living for others, instead of ourselves? As Clarrisa said to Richard: “ We all stay alive for each other.” What would our lives be like if the other one left? From my perspective, many people these days are too good at disguising their inner sadness with a smile, just like Clarrisa was always giving parties to cover the silence. The awakening of women's sense of freedom makes it difficult for them to find a balance between living for themselves and being responsible for the roles assigned by society, which leads to their mental depression. Even if they have momentary happiness at the party, they still have to face the hours after the party, and the hours after that. Facing such a cycle, how can we truly escape?
The film presents the audience with three very different options. Between Richmond and death, Virginia chose death; Laura abandoned her husband and children after giving birth to her daughter; Clarissa decided to let go of the past and cherish the present life with her wife and daughter. Did any of them make the wrong decision? No, they just chose to follow their own hearts and face the life they really wanted without complaint or regret. Some people may blame Laura for abandoning her children, which caused Richard's miserable life， but if she hadn't done that maybe both of their endings would have been more desperate. At least, Richard made his decision to get relieved from pain, as did Virginia.
(Laura sitting on the bed in regency room, thinking of ending her life; source from https://decider.com/2015/09/08/was-it-good-for-the-gays-the-hours/)
Another line that impressed me a lot was “poet will die.” It’s true. Both Virginia and Richard died. People whose dreams are hard to come by suffer. Perhaps the film's biggest takeaway is the realization that sometimes death may not be a tragic thing, as it could be a way of looking life in the face. Additionally, bravely choosing to end one's original life is not contradictory to loving others, and sometimes it is to enable them to live better. Respect others’ decisions, and face your own life.
Finally, I would still love to share a passage from Virginia to her husband at the end of the film:
“Dear Leonard. To look life in the face, always to look life in the face. and to know it for what it is. At last, to know it, to love it for what it is, and then to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us. Always the years. Always… the love. Always… the hours.”
Hope we all can live our lives the way we want.
